Breaking up a relationship is not as tough as dealing with the blankness that follows afterwards. Dealing with aftermath of a breakup is very difficult. It takes a while to get back to your normal self. The most traumatising part is that you have to live without your ex around and that seems to be the most bizarre feeling at the time of breakups.
Well you always have the option of being friends with your ex but you have to look inside your heart and mind and ask yourself whether you are ready to take this step or not. Following are few of the tips to find out if you have phased out of your previous relationship to be friends with your boyfriend. Also this article will provide you with tips to maintain friendly relationship with your ex.
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Things to consider:
1. Will you be comfortable being friends with your ex?
Decide whether it is right for you to get back in touch with your ex and start friendly relationships. If you want to do this because you are hoping to patch up and start your relationship again then you are definitely not on the right track. This means that you are not ready to be friends with your ex yet.
Being friends strictly means that you need to give up on your ex’s personal life. If they are moving on and have someone new in their life then it must not bother you and if it does then you must not even thing about getting close to your ex.
2. Have you given yourself enough time to overcome your breakup?
If you recently broke up then reaching out to your ex would not be such a good idea. Make sure you spend some time apart. Let the breakup sink in till the time you are not affected by the presence or absence of your ex. Once you have had your time getting over the compulsion of your previous relationship and the need to be around your ex then you can thing about getting in contact and start your friendship.
3. Are you desperate to get your ex back into your life?
If you are dying to see your ex then take steady steps because you might still feel a strong inclination towards him or her. Take your tome to grasp your feelings correct. Try to distract yourself and focus on yourself. Go out with friends and indulge in activities that you like. This will make you more self-dependent and you will be able to get rid of your ex’s inclination. This will also help you to realise where you really want to focus your energy.
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Break the silence
1. Convey your ex the message that you want to be friends
Contact your ex when you are sure that you have moved on and that you don’t feel any inclination towards your ex. You can start by simply sending a message and some general pleasantries. Don’t be too frank when you talk. Try to keep it simple and plain.
2. Don’t sit idle waiting for replies
Give your ex some time before you start expecting replies and well wishes. Maybe your ex has not yet moved on and wants some more time. In situations like these you must not push your ex to be friends with you.
Follow the rules
1. No romance
You must always avoid sparking any romantic situation because you never know where that may lead you. Try avoiding late night dinners or movies. Avoid places where you used to go for dates. Hang out on new places. Avoid giving gifts that might be taken for false hopes.
2. Gather with friends
Instead of meeting alone try to meet with your friends and hang out in groups. This way you will be able to avoid past memories and chances of arguing will also be less. You can also meet in public places this will keep you in check and you can avoid intimate activities.
3. Maintain the comfort level
The most basic rule is to never discuss your old relationship. This might create tension between you two. Also avoid talking about your current dating status. Try to talk about plans and what your ex wants to do in the future. Let them talk and listen more. Ask about job, or studies, etc. Keel the conversation light and healthy.
4. Be a friend not a flirt
Keep yourself in check. Maintain your distance. Always remember, you are not going to meet the person you once loved, you are going to meet your ex. Make sure that you are conscious all the time and control your gestures because you don’t want to suggest something you don’t mean. Most importantly, DON’T FLIRT. Dress well but don’t try to get too much of your ex’s attention. This will ruin all your hopes of plain friendship.
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The Don’ts
1. Avoid intimacy and sex
No matter how hot and steamy your previous relationship was don’t indulge in any sexual activities with your ex. This will get you back to point zero and you will want to revive the old relationship and all your hopes of being friends will wash down the gutter. Therefore always maintain your distance.
2. Don’t repeat the same mistakes
Try being independent and don’t depend too much on your ex even though you are now friends. Don’t call him daily or expect him to call you daily. Meet occasionally and avoid daily encounters. Hanging out daily will only build false hopes and you will eventually start feeling for your ex again.
3. Don’t get too cosy
You must be smart enough to realise when the water starts rising up the mark and your friendship with your ex gets too cosy. If your ex indicates anything that suggests his or her interest in getting you back then back off because that is not a good sign because he or she is not yet ready for friendship and needs more time.
